Claims of Occupation

One thing that has sparked huge controversy amongst my many devout readers is the 'Regarding the Raad' column on my my profile. The ostentatiousness of my claims of occupation has stirred a sort of perceived arrogance about me, and whilst I write this partly to quell these rumours, my main intention is to alter your understanding of the concept of success and revive your lost aspirations.

Someone who claims to have as many occupations as I have indicated must surely be off his rocker. Let's pause for a minute and refer to our good ol' friend Google in search of what an occupation actually is: http://bit.ly/1bpegVP

The first definition may not elicit a single reaction, but the second will hopefully make you realize something; you don't have to be a so-called 'professional' to be the noun-agent version of the thing you do. As in the words of American film director, screenwriter, producer, cinematographer, editor, actor and musician, Robert Rodriguez, when addressing a bunch of aspiring hopefuls:

"So you wanna be a filmmaker? Wrong. You are a filmmaker. The moment you think about that you want to be a film maker, you're that. Make yourself a business card that says you're a filmmaker, pass them around to your friends, and as you get that over with and you got that in your mind that you are one; you'll be one, you'll start thinking like one. Don't dream about being a filmmaker; you are a filmmaker."

You don't have to be successful to be all the things you want to be, you just have to do them, take pride in doing them, and enjoy the process. Who determines if you're 'successful' or not, and why do you listen to those people anyhoo! Success is personal. It's like a big bowl of instant pudding; in the box you get a mixture of happiness and self satisfaction, but to enjoy the pudding itself you have to pour in the hard work and give it the time it needs to set. Once complete, you over-indulge on this delicacy (and don't let just anybody have a taste).

This analogy is ruined by the fact that I sometimes enjoy unset pudding. This can be attributed to my impatience, which in same cases is not a bad thing. If you want something with great desire, and want it now, you will go to great lengths to achieve it. This drive is necessary to attain your personal success. It is not however, in the case of some bearded Shakespearean/Scottish kings, a reason to commit murder and treason.

Balance out the ambition of MacBeth and the common-sense of someone who has common-sense (there are YouTube tutorials for this stuff) and  you will have all the ingredients to make the perfect little girls  dessert. If you prefer more elaborate cuisine; no problem! Just don't stop halfway. There's nothing worse than finding someone's half-finished business that has been left to ferment over long periods of time.

Take this from someone who has been scolded many a time for leaving sandwiches in his school bag, sometimes over the course of summer holidays.

Maybe that's the reason why my mom never 'made' me lunchboxes for school...

A Funny Find

At a 'White Elephant' book sale held at a recent carnival, I found myself looking at old dusty literature in search of vintage covered pieces that could prove the making of some good movie props. It was during my perusal through the sports section that I came upon a rather curious sight.

Tucked away between a thick leather bound horse racing record book spanning half a century, and the bestselling 'Heart of Success' by esteemed South African Rob Parson, lay a paperback from the popular 'Dummies' series on nothing other than the 'Tour de France'!

It turns out that their sports
section is two books big...

Coming mere weeks after my ramblings on Lance Armstrong were published, there seemed no way that that particular book could have coincidentally popped up at a 'White Elephant' sale. I asked the shopkeeper and, just as I predicted, found out that this particular copy was donated by a former cancer patient who had suddenly lost interest in the cycling competition in lieu of his role model's moral downfall.

Well not exactly... But had I the nerve to interrupt the elderly shopkeeper's intense concentration with which she was solving a Sudoku puzzle, I wouldn't have been surprised to find out that this was in fact the case.

I didn't get to ask her, nor did I find any good potential props for my upcoming film, but it sure got me thinking about the effects that public figures have on people's lives. For good and for bad. It's amazing how suddenly and radically a man's reputation can be made or tarnished.

Only the genuine heroes survive. Only those who are who they seem to be can maintain their status once it has been established. 

Makes you wonder whether putting on a facade and becoming a fictional, supposedly 'better version' of yourself is really worth it.

The truth is, a house of lies is built on a tectonic fault line. No matter how big your house is, if there is the slightest disturbance in the earth, it's going to come crashing down.

So unless you want to fall into a deep fissure of molten lava and be instantly incinerated, just be yourself. It's who you were meant to be.  

Pizza Pinching

My heart nearly jumped off the edge of a cliff and into a pool of man-eating sharks as I opened my fridge door this morning in search of last night's pizza. I had especially hidden it at the back of the top shelf, but to my horror, I brushed aside the wall of milk cartons to find a plate-sized gap formally populated by my breakfast to-be.

Luckily my leftovers were safe, and were merely placed in a container and stowed away on a lower shelf by my thoughtful mother in an attempt to keep in its tasty freshness. Although the act in itself was harmless and done with nothing but good intentions, this would not have been the first time my pizza was nicked between the time of fridge placement and me arriving at the kitchen in anticipation of a tantalizing breakfast.

In fact, pizza pinching is, and has been, a major issue in the Raad household for many years now. At one stage, the problem had created such a hostile environment within our home that, following an incident in which my brother was left pizzaless and the perpetrator remained at large, it was decided that regulations must be put in place to ensure that something of this severity would never happen again.

In the weeks that followed, several different approaches were attempted to eradicate the issue. Furthermore cases of injustice brought family relations to the brink of destruction before a solution was finally discovered. It revolved around the main reason for pinchers getting away with their deeds, all claiming that they “didn’t see a name on the pizza.” Black markers were thus brought out upon the subsequent consumption of such food, and the boxes were adorned with messages claiming ownership and slandering any would be criminals. The messages made people feel so bad about even thinking of snatching a slice that there has not been a reported case of pizza pinching since the methods inception. Sometimes they would get replies, and even long conversations were held through this new medium of communication, and anyone passing through the kitchen at any time could stop and enjoy the benevolent banter bedecked upon the formerly flavorless boxes.

And so what had been a life threatening issue within my family had developed into a now favourite pastime in which we interact, share jokes, and relate with one another in good spirit.

And all was well with the world once more.

Making the Most of Life

"Life's short. Make the most of it."

This commonly used phrase is blurted out frequently, mostly by people who seem to be practising what they preach. Upon inspection, one realises that this simple phrase is harder to follow than first anticipated, and in reality, I doubt anyone can  truly say he is making the most of life... Although this doesn't mean we shouldn't try to.

To do this we must aim to use every minute of every day to its utmost. If you take all the moments that you aren't making full use of and add them together, you are left with a considerable chunk of time with which more can be done with. Technology allows us to do just that, especially during activities where no hands are needed or one hand is free. I have taken the liberty of drawing up a list of the top 5 things you can do today to maybe not perfect your time usage, but certainly improve it:

• 5. Accessibility to everything! This is the art of being able to organize your work space so that everything you could ever think of needing is less than an arms length or a chair's roll away. This means being tidy and I of all people know that this is easier said than done. However, the only reason why my desk looks like the first twenty minutes of Saving Private Ryan is because I am too lazy to pack things back into their rightful place. But if their rightful place was actually only a stretch away I would be more enticed to keep things tidy. So arrange your seat so that while sitting at your desk you have access to as many things as possible. I find that a huge time-saver is to keep a stash of food to nibble on tucked away in a nearby drawer, which saves the totally unnecessary 10-step walk to the kitchen...

• 4. Absorbing information to be remembered is usually a tedious process of repetition. But why can't I remember lists or names as well as I can recall the entire lyrics of the latest pop song? Well that's just it isn't it: repetition! Unknowingly we are exposed to promoted songs several times a day whether it be through the radio or on our iPods. If you did the same thing with information that you need to remember, then you would never have problems. And to make the process even more efficient; why not combine it with your daily chores? Record yourself reading a list of information that you need to remember, preferably in short chunks, and play it on repeat while doing the dishes or cleaning the table. Say the words with the recording, and soon enough you'll have those important lists of Game of Thrones character names memorized in a jiffy!

• 3. Most smart phones come standard with text reading applications. This means that while you are busy getting down and dirty, your phone can read you stuff that you're too busy to read. Emails, online news, text messages etc. can all now be absorbed while doing unavoidable daily activities, such as while shaving, eating breakfast or even just clipping your toenails. Just another small thing that most have access to, but that the majority of people don't use... Wasted resources if you ask me!

• 2. Doing work while sleeping! OK I'm just joking about that one... But maybe it's one for the future! If our brain activity at night could be recorded and used to create 3D worlds and movies, who knows what could happen. But until then,why not try something small, but helpful nonetheless: I find that when I get absorbed into something I completely lose track of the time. To solve this issue I created a timer that would inform me every three minutes that three minutes had indeed passed. Seems silly, but this sort of thing can really cut down on the time you spend doing things that could be done much quicker if only you realized when you were dilly-dallying. 

• 1. The number one stretch of idleness for the majority of the common people is that caused by long stints in the bathroom. We have all experienced those dragged out moments where as hard as we may try, the best solution to the problem seems to be just to sit, relax, and wait for nature to perform its duty. During these callous moments, minutes can tick by without us even realising! The best way to combat this is to find something that preferably requires a single hand, for reasons I hope obvious, such as reading the newspaper or your favourite book. Just make sure you don't dirty the pages!

Just to prove my point, I typed this entire post on my Samsung S2 whilst upon the high seat of parliament, and now that my motion has been passed, I hope you will follow suit.

My Quest for Beardism

I wish for nothing more in this world than to grow a beard. A magnificent beard. A beard so mighty that all who gaze upon it are instantly induced into a deep covetous coma. And it is for this reason that I find myself in quite the predicament.

You see, the one thing I desire more than anything else in my life, is being taken from me. Every few days I am forced to shave the beautiful sproutlings of facial hair that appear on my cheeks in order to 'maintain my appearance'. It is important to note that I do not write this in spite of the rules and regulations that have been set at my school. In fact, I applaud them. If everyone were allowed to grow a beard, I think you would be likely to see an outbreak of violence owing to some jealous spats between newly formed gangs of opposite facial encumbrances. Besides from this, I know that although a well-kept beard shows class and courage, an unkempt one exudes ignorance and a careless attitude that would not hold well under public scrutiny.

This said, I begin to recall a quote from a 'Donald Duck' book that I once read, back in my teddy bear days, that has stayed with me my whole life since. It went something like; "Good food takes time to prepare." Okay, so... One, I still occasionally sleep with a teddy. And two, this quote doesn't really have anything to do with growing a beard, right? But if one was to adapt this quote to fit my circumstances, one could tweak it to something along the lines of "Good things are worth waiting for".

The same quote could also be used to explain why McDonalds burgers are produced so swiftly, but that is the topic for another post.

Anyhoo... After understanding this quote I was able to come to grips with my situation. This does not mean that I will just forget about my facial hair completely until I am out of school. Instead, I shall ready my cheeks and practice good shaving techniques, so that when the time comes for my beard to be set free from the oppressive chains that are schooling regulations, my hair shall blossom vigorously and I will be able to set off at an uncompromising pace, on my Quest for Beardism.

 

Why Lance Armstrong is Still a Hero

The world stood in shock as after nearly two decades of outright denial, cycling legend Lance Armstrong admitted to doping his way to wealth and glory. His confession has sent waves of hatred and disappointment, and tarnished his reputation as a champion sportsman, the world over. Worse than the fact that he cheated is not only how stubbornly he denied allegations, but how he ridiculed and sued his accusers all in an attempt to protect his lies. Yet as deceptive and immoral a man as he is, I will forever see him as a hero.

In the early stages of his cycling career, Lance was diagnosed with testicular cancer, but against all odds of survival, he beat back the cancer, albeit at the loss of one of his testes, and made his return to professional cycling. To win the Tour de France, the biggest cycling competition in the world, requires a huge amount of courage, determination, and willpower. That he was able to win it not once, not twice, but seven times in a row seemed too good to be true at the time, and indeed it turned out to be just that. But Lance’s success story taught me that even when the odds are stacked against you, if you are determined and never give in, you can achieve anything, and no drugs can provide you with those traits. The fact that I have twice the number of testicles as this man only makes his feats more remarkable.

Not wanting anybody else to suffer as he did, Lance then went on to form the Livestrong Foundation which, since its establishment, has raised hundreds of millions of dollars for cancer research. Cancer sufferers all over the world looked to him as their role model, and his story served as an inspiration for them to plough on through their difficulties. He has had a positive influence on millions of lives and nothing can take that away from him.

Now that he has been exposed for cheating, and stripped of his Tour de France titles and his Olympic Gold medal, he is seen as a disgrace to the sport that he holds so dear to his heart.

But what if he hadn't taken any performance-enhancing substances, and not achieved all that he did? Would I have even taken an interest in cycling? Would the Livestrong Foundation have had the same impact that it has had? Part of its immense popularity was Armstrong’s celebrity status, and had he not been as famous and revered as he was, I don’t think Livestrong would have picked up even half the support that it acquired over the years.

So in a way, Lance Armstrong can be seen as the cancerous Robin Hood of the modern era, stealing from the rich, and assisting those suffering from the incurable disease that is cancer. In the end it comes down to what matters more. Yes, Lance cheated his way to millions. Yes, he has brought utter disgrace to the sport of cycling. Yes, he was a narcissistic bully who would do anything to achieve what he wanted to achieve.

But one thing that cannot be disputed is that this courageous man has done more good in his life so far than many people could even dream of doing in a hundred lifetimes. 

And to me, this makes his doping scandal pale in significance.